She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Randomize
