Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
