Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
