hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize