I don't usually arrange sex via text message
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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