; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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