just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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