when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
