I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
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