There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
