I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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