when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
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