batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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