I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
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