and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
