It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
