It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
