hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
