I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
smell my finger.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
