He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
sarcasm needs its own font
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
