if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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