Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
