dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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