Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
