Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
