I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
