how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
