Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
