He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
How's work?
Spinning.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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