You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
