Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
