Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
