Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
