seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
