i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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