I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
