would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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