you lied. pity sex is amazing.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
