i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
