she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
