I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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