if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
