the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
porn star boner night. come get it.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize