I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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