She's JV to your varsity
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
