I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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