1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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