Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
