Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
