I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Randomize
