Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
