thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
