I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
