How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
