are you still at the devil's house?
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize