Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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