i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
