So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
