Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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