i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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