planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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