i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
