So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
