One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
