tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
