i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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