Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
