dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
foreskin is a definite game changer
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
