I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize