GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
