I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
