Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
