32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize