the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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