Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
