I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Randomize
