I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
from now on my penis is your penis
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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