how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
