are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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