Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
