He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize