he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize