Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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