soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
