worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
