I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
