My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
