WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
