I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
