she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
