Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize