I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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