u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
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