When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
