He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
