Ambien. No doubt about it.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
