She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Someone signed my nipple.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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