Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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