loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
