dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize