I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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