When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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