flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
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