I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
where are my eyebrows?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
