good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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