I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
