woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
