Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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