Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
