you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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