I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
