whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize