I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
