She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
