At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
