so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
did you just send me my own nude
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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