It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
