just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
