so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize