oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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