I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
