Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize