He asked to "fluff my boner.."
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize